“Ask and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.” Matthew 7:7.
In these pre-election months, our government has gone biblical.
You don’t want school closings? OK, we’ll stop the process that we started months ago, notwithstanding all the meetings, planning and budgeting that’s already been done.
Forget about the deadline we imposed earlier. The deadline’s already upon us but forget it. You can also forget the speeches. None of that matters. No more closings, at least not until next year. In the meantime, the school boards can figure out how to pay for the near-empty schools that won’t be closed.
Wine-making within retail outlets? Sure, forget that law. And forget the fines and injunctions. We’ve changed our minds. Now it’s perfectly legal.
Now is the correct time, we’ve decided, for a “level playing field.” If you want to make wine in a retail outlet, go ahead. Forget the harassment to which retailers were subjected recently. They’re no longer criminals.
Cruelty to animals? Of course we’re against it. So, yes, notwithstanding what we said a few weeks ago — “We think they (the SPCA) have the money to do it” — the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals can have more money.
Try to forget what we said. Pretend we weren’t serious. Hire those extra constables.
You want a sex-change operation? And you want taxpayers to pay for it? Not a problem. We can change that policy. Forget about the letter we wrote only days ago in which we said we’ve given the matter careful consideration before concluding we would not fund these operations. It’s a new day and we have a new policy.
Yes, that’s true. After the tragic death of Rehtaeh Parsons, we said there would be no further scrutiny of the police work or anything else. We’ve changed our minds. Investigations-are-us. Bring in the experts from Ontario.
Let’s get to the bottom of this. Talk to the prime minister. Forget our previous utterings. And, while we’re at it, let’s bring in some new legislation. Add some guidance counsellors, too.
Children’s dentistry? Yes, it was only a few months ago when we introduced the budget. We said we’d cover children up to age 13. Actually, we said it again on July 30. But almost three weeks have passed and we’ve changed our mind. Let’s make it age 14. Anybody want 15? Be patient.
Contract negotiations? You want more money? Not a problem. We’ll sign that contract. Oh, you also want a defined-benefit pension plan?
We can work that out. In fact, let’s do it right here, in the parking lot, behind those cars. Watch out for the security cameras. And, don’t worry. We’ll tell the employer what we’ve done. The employer can figure out how to pay for it.
Oh, medical errors? Agreed; that’s a big problem. We’re very concerned. Now we have a plan. We’re going to get that done. Later.
Sure, we’ll provide the fiscal update before the election, but we can’t let those district health boards get on with their business. They spend a lot.
And, as long as we haven’t approved their operational plans, the fantasy continues. That will make the fiscal update easier.
The health boards won’t be telling the truth about layoffs or, in the alternative, deficit budgets due, in part, to those generous contracts.
That would jeopardize our balanced budget.
Fifteen points behind in the polls? We had no idea. No, we’re not into crisis management. We’re a government of principles. When we take a position, we stick to it.
Bring on the election. Please.
These policy cartwheels are making us dizzy.
Ian Thompson is Associate Publisher of The Chronicle Herald.